Distracted Druggist

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1. Trainor the Druggist Only the chemist can tell, and not always the chemist, What will result from compounding Fluids or solids. And who can tell How men and women will interact On each other, or what children will result? There were Benjamin Pantier and his wife, Good in themselves, but evil toward each other: He oxygen, she hydrogen, […]...
2. The Rum Parade Now ye gallant Sydney boys, who have left your household joys To march across the sea in search of glory, I am very much afraid that you do not love parade, But the rum parade is quite another story. For the influenza came and to spoil its little game, They ordered us to drink a […]...
3. Lost Star When the creation was new and all the stars shone in their first Splendor, the gods held their assembly in the sky and sang ‘Oh, the picture of perfection! the joy unalloyed!’ But one cried of a sudden -‘It seems that somewhere there is a break in the chain of light And one of the […]...
4. Friday We nailed the hands long ago, Wove the thorns, took up the scourge and shouted For excitement’s sake, we stood at the dusty edge Of the pebbled path and watched the extreme of pain. But one or two prayed, one or two Were silent, shocked, stood back And remembered remnants of words, a new vision, […]...
5. Peekabo, I Almost See You Middle-aged life is merry, and I love to Lead it, But there comes a day when your eyes Are all right but your arm isn’t long Enough To hold the telephone book where you can read it, And your friends get jocular, so you go To the oculist, And of all your friends he is […]...
6. Letter To N. Y For Louise Crane In your next letter I wish you’d say Where you are going and what you are doing; How are the plays and after the plays What other pleasures you’re pursuing: Taking cabs in the middle of the night, Driving as if to save your soul Where the road gose round and round […]...
7. The Mystery Of Mister Smith For supper we had curried tripe. I washed the dishes, wound the clock; Then for awhile I smoked my pipe – Puff! Puff! We had no word of talk. The Misses sewed – a sober pair; Says I at last: “I need some air.” A don’t know why I acted so; I had no thought, […]...
8. Almost taste the flavour It was a fat-tyred 4WD utility hard back, The sort of ute you’d expect a contractor To drive, except it was plastered with tacky Stickers, and no genuine subby does that. It snailed down the Range at 30KmH, girl-like, Braking every bend, the donkey driver Sending bad karma, wandering double white Lines again and again. […]...
9. One Lonely Afternoon Since the fern can’t go to the sink for a drink of Water, I graciously submit myself to the task, bringing two Glasses from the sink. And so we sit, the fern and I, sipping water together. Of course I’m more complex than a fern, full of deep Thoughts as I am. But I lay […]...
10. A Domestic Tragedy Clorinda met me on the way As I came from the train; Her face was anything but gay, In fact, suggested pain. “Oh hubby, hubby dear!” she cried, “I’ve awful news to tell. . . .” “What is it, darling?” I replied; “Your mother is she well?” “Oh no! oh no! it is not that, […]...
11. The Christmas Goose Mr. Smiggs was a gentleman, And he lived in London town; His wife she was a good kind soul, And seldom known to frown. ‘Twas on Christmas eve, And Smiggs and his wife lay cosy in bed, When the thought of buying a goose Came into his head. So the next morning, Just as the […]...
12. Grif, of the Bloody Hand In an immense wood in the south of Kent, There lived a band of robbers which caused the people discontent; And the place they infested was called the Weald, Where they robbed wayside travellers and left them dead on the field. Their leader was called Grif, of the Bloody Hand, And so well skilled in […]...
13. The Buyers Father drank himself to death, Quite enjoyed it. Urged to draw a sober breath He’d avoid it. ‘Save your sympathy,’ said Dad; ‘Never sought it. Hob-nail liver, gay and glad, Sure, I bought it.’ Uncle made a heap of dough, Ponies playing. ‘Easy come and easy go,’ Was his saying. Though he died in poverty […]...
14. Devonshire Street W.1 The heavy mahogany door with its wrought-iron screen Shuts. And the sound is rich, sympathetic, discreet. The sun still shines on this eighteenth-century scene With Edwardian faience adornment Devonshire Street. No hope. And the X-ray photographs under his arm Confirm the message. His wife stands timidly by. The opposite brick-built house looks lofty and calm […]...
15. The bow-leg boy Who should come up the road one day But the doctor-man in his two-wheel shay! And he whoaed his horse and he cried “Ahoy! I have brought you folks a bow-leg boy! Such a cute little boy! Such a funny little boy! Such a dear little bow-leg boy!” He took out his box and he […]...
16. Abandoned Dog They dumped it on the lonely road, Then like a streak they sped; And as along the way I strode I thought that it was dead: And then I saw that yelping pup Rise, race to catch them up. You know how silly wee dogs are. It thought they were in fun. Trying to overtake […]...
17. Over the Sea our Galleys Went Over the sea our galleys went, With cleaving prows in order brave, To a speeding wind and a bounding wave, A gallant armament: Each bark built out of a forest-tree, Left leafy and rough as first it grew, And nailed all over the gaping sides, Within and without, with black bull-hides, Seethed in fat and […]...
18. The Wanderers OVER the sea our galleys went, With cleaving prows in order brave To a speeding wind and a bounding wave A gallant armament: Each bark built out of a forest-tree Left leafy and rough as first it grew, And nail’d all over the gaping sides, Within and without, with black bull-hides, Seethed in fat and […]...
19. A Noiseless Patient Spider A NOISELESS, patient spider, I mark’d, where, on a little promontory, it stood, isolated; Mark’d how, to explore the vacant, vast surrounding, It launch’d forth filament, filament, filament, out of itself; Ever unreeling them-ever tirelessly speeding them. And you, O my Soul, where you stand, Surrounded, surrounded, in measureless oceans of space, Ceaselessly musing, venturing, […]...
20. Superior Mother, your baby is silly! She is so absurdly childish! She does not know the difference between the lights in the Streets and the stars. When we play at eating with pebbles, she thinks they are real Food, and tries to put them into her mouth. When I open a book before her and ask […]...
21. WHAT I DID IN THE MOONLIGHT I planted my grief In freshly turned earth A tree grows there now You should see the size of it I filled my wheel-barrow With all my pointless regrets I put them out by the curb A truck will pick them up on Thursday I spent some time following my cat She led me all […]...
22. Fugue You see them vanish in their speeding cars, The many people hastening through the world, And wonder what they would have done before This time of time speed distance, random streams Of molecules hastened by what rising heat? Was there never a world where people just sat still? Yet they might be all of them […]...
23. Those Graves In Rome There are places where the eye can starve, But not here. Here, for example, is The Piazza Navona, & here is his narrow room Overlooking the Steps & the crowds of sunbathing Tourists. And here is the Protestant Cemetery Where Keats & Joseph Severn join hands Forever under a little shawl of grass And where […]...
24. The Destroying Angel I dreamt a dream the other night That an Angel appeared to me, clothed in white. Oh! it was a beautiful sight, Such as filled my heart with delight. And in her hand she held a flaming brand, Which she waved above her head most grand; And on me she glared with love-beaming eyes, Then […]...
25. The Prisoner Upspoke the culprit at the bar, Conducting his own case: ‘Your Lordship, I have gone to far, But grant me of your grace. As I was passing by a shop I saw my arm go out, And though I begged of it to stop, It stole beyond a doubt. ‘But why should my whole body […]...
26. Albert and His Savings One day, little Albert Ramsbottom To see ‘ow much money ‘e’d got Stuck a knife in ‘is money-box slot ‘ole And fiddled and fished out the lot. It amounted to fifteen and fourpence Which ‘e found by a few simple sums Were ninety two tuppenny ices Or twice that in penn’orths of gums. The sound […]...
27. I Stood With the Dead I Stood with the Dead, so forsaken and still: When dawn was grey I stood with the Dead. And my slow heart said, ‘You must kill, you must kill: ‘Soldier, soldier, morning is red’. On the shapes of the slain in their crumpled disgrace I stared for a while through the thin cold rain… ‘O […]...
28. The Quarrel The word I spoke in anger Weighs less than a parsley seed, But a road runs through it That leads to my grave, That bought-and-paid-for lot On a salt-sprayed hill in Truro Where the scrub pines Overlook the bay. Half-way I’m dead enough, Strayed from my own nature And my fierce hold on life. If […]...
29. Bird Watcher In Wall Street once a potent power, And now a multi-millionaire Alone within a shady bower In clothes his valet would not wear, He watches bird wings bright the air. The man who mighty mergers planned, And oil and coal kinglike controlled, With field-glasses in failing hand Spies downy nestlings five days old, With joy […]...
30. The March Of The Dead The cruel war was over oh, the triumph was so sweet! We watched the troops returning, through our tears; There was triumph, triumph, triumph down the scarlet glittering street, And you scarce could hear the music for the cheers. And you scarce could see the house-tops for the flags that flew between; The bells were […]...
31. Green Grow The Rashes Green grow the rashes, O! Green grow the rashes, O! The sweetest hours that e’er I spend, Are spent amang the lasses, O! There’s nought but care on every han’ In every hour that passes, O; What signifies the life o’ man, An ’twere na for the lasses, O? The warl’ly race may riches chase, […]...
32. Sonnet LXIII AFter long stormes and tempests sad assay, Which hardly I endured heretofore: In dread of death and daungerous dismay, With which my silly barke was tossed sore. I doe at length descry the happy shore, In which I hope ere long for to arryue, Fayre soyle it seemes from far & fraught with store Of […]...
33. Us Two Wherever I am, there’s always Pooh, There’s always Pooh and Me. Whatever I do, he wants to do, “Where are you going today?” says Pooh: “Well, that’s very odd ‘cos I was too. Let’s go together,” says Pooh, says he. “Let’s go together,” says Pooh. “What’s twice eleven?” I said to Pooh. (“Twice what?” said […]...
34. Sleepy Harry “I do not like to go to bed,” Sleepy little Harry said; “Go, naughty Betty, go away, I will not come at all, I say! “ Oh, silly child! what is he saying? As if he could be always playing! Then, Betty, you must come and carry This very foolish little Harry. The little birds […]...
35. 32. Song-Green Grow the Rashes Chor.-Green grow the rashes, O; Green grow the rashes, O; The sweetest hours that e’er I spend, Are spent amang the lasses, O. THERE’S nought but care on ev’ry han’, In ev’ry hour that passes, O: What signifies the life o’ man, An’ ’twere na for the lasses, O. Green grow, &c. The war’ly race […]...
36. Lines and Squares Whenever I walk in a London street, I’m ever so careful to watch my feet; And I keep in the squares, And the masses of bears, Who wait at the corners all ready to eat The sillies who tread on the lines of the street Go back to their lairs, And I say to them, […]...
37. Tell He opens the scullery door, and a sudden rush Of wind, as raw as raw, Brushes past him as he himself will brush Past the stacks of straw That stood in earlier for Crow Or Comanche tepees hung with scalps But tonight past muster, row upon row, For the foothills of the Alps. He opens […]...
38. Tourists In a strange town in a far land They met amid a throng; They stared, they could not understand How life was sudden song. As brown eyes looked in eyes of grey Just for a moment’s space, Twin spirits met with sweet dismay In that strange place. And then the mob that swept them near […]...
39. The Famous Tay Whale ‘TWAS in the month of December, and in the year l883, That a monster whale came to Dundee, Resolved for a few days to sport and play, And devour the small fishes in the silvery Tay. So the monster whale did sport and play Among the innocent little fishes in the beautiful Tay, Until he […]...
40. The Bucking-Tub IF once in love, you’ll soon invention find And not to cunning tricks and freaks be blind; The youngest ‘prentice, when he feels the dart, Grows wondrous shrewd, and studies wily art. This passion never, we perceive, remains In want from paucity of scheming brains. The god of hearts so well exerts his force, That […]...