Home ⇒ 📌Andrew Barton Paterson ⇒ The Matrimonial Stakes
The Matrimonial Stakes
I wooed her with a steeplechase, I won her with a fall,
I made her heartstrings quiver on the flat
When the pony missed his take-off, and we crached into the wall;
Well, she simply had to have me after that!
It awoke a thrill of int’rest when they pulled me out for dead
From beneath the shattered ruins of a horse;
And althought she looked indifferent when I landed on my head
In the water, it appealed to her, of course!
When I won the Flappers’ Flatrace it was “all Sir Garneo”,
For she praised the way I made my final run.
And she thought the riding won it for how could the poor girl know
That a monkey could have ridden it and won!
Then they “weighed me in” a winner it’s not often that occurs!
So I didn’t let my golden chances slip,
For I showed her all the blood-marks where I jabbed him with the spurs,
And the whip-strokes where I hit him with the whip.
Then I asked her if she loved me, and she seemed inclined to shirk
For a moment so I took her by the head
(So to speak) and rushed her at it; and she seemed to like the work
When she kissed me, though she blushed a rosy red.
She’s a mouth as soft as velvet, and she plenty has of heart,
I could worship every little step she takes;
And the saddleng-bell is ringing, so we’re going to the start,
Certain winners of the Matrimonial Stakes!
(2 votes, average: 3.50 out of 5)Related poetry:
- Requiem for the Plantagenet Kings For whom the possessed sea littered, on both shores, Ruinous arms; being fired, and for good, To sound the constitution of just wards, Men, in their eloquent fashion, understood. Relieved of soul, the dropping-back of dust, Their usage, pride, admitted within doors; At home, under caved chantries, set in trust, With well-dressed alabaster and proved […]...
- Do They Know? Do they know? At the turn to the straight Where the favourites fail, And every last atom of weight Is telling its tale; As some grim old stayer hard-pressed Runs true to his breed, And with head in front of the rest Fights on in the lead; When the jockeys are out with the whips, […]...
- The Amateur Rider Him goin’ to ride for us! Him with the pants and the eyeglass and all. Amateur! don’t he just look it it’s twenty to one on a fall. Boss must be gone off his head to be sending out steeplechase crack Out over fences like these with an object like that on his back. Ride! […]...
- Another Dark Lady Think not, because I wonder where you fled, That I would lift a pin to see you there; You may, for me, be prowling anywhere, So long as you show not your little head: No dark and evil story of the dead Would leave you less pernicious or less fair- Not even Lilith, with her […]...
- A Pit but Heaven over it A Pit but Heaven over it And Heaven beside, and Heaven abroad, And yet a Pit With Heaven over it. To stir would be to slip To look would be to drop To dream to sap the Prop That holds my chances up. Ah! Pit! With Heaven over it! The depth is all my thought […]...
- Careers I knew three sisters, all were sweet; Wishful to wed was I, And wondered which would mostly meet The matrimonial tie. I asked the first what fate would she Wish joy of life to bring to her. She answered: ‘I would like to be A concert singer.’ I asked the second, for my mind Was […]...
- Summer In The Country One shows me how to lie down in a field of clover. Another how to slip my hand under her Sunday skirt. Another how to kiss with a mouth full of blackberries. Another how to catch fireflies in jar after dark. Here is a stable with a single black mare And the proof of God’s […]...
- Work When twenty-one I loved to dream, And was to loafing well inclined; Somehow I couldn’t get up steam To welcome work of any kind. While students burned the midnight lamp, With dour ambition as their goad, I longed to be a gayful tramp And greet adventure on the road. But now that sixty years have […]...
- The Man From Snowy River There was movement at the station, for the word has passed around That the colt from old Regret had got away, And had joined the wild bush horses-he was worth a thousand pound, So all the cracks had gathered to the fray. All the tried and noted riders from the stations near and far Had […]...
- Pejar Creek Deep in the meadow grass Easy stand the cattle, Lightly lock the young bulls In a mimic battle, Pride gathers with each shock, Every break and rally – That’s where the Pejar runs, Runs like a slip of silver through the valley. Softly as a thrush sings In the morning hushes, Softly sing the waters […]...
- The Routine Things Around The House When Mother died I thought: now I’ll have a death poem. That was unforgivable. Yet I’ve since forgiven myself As sons are able to do Who’ve been loved by their mothers. I stared into the coffin Knowing how long she’d live, How many lifetimes there are In the sweet revisions of memory. It’s hard to […]...
- A Dream of the Melbourne Cup Bring me a quart of colonial beer And some doughy damper to make good cheer, I must make a heavy dinner; Heavily dine and heavily sup, Of indigestible things fill up, Next month they run the Melbourne Cup, And I have to dream the winner. Stoke it in, boys! the half-cooked ham, The rich ragout […]...
- London I wander thro’ each charter’d street. Near where the charter’d Thames does flow A mark in every face I meet Marks of weakness, marks of woe. In every cry of every Man. In every Infants cry of fear. In every voice; in every ban. The mind-forg’d manacles I hear How the Chimney-sweepers cry Every blackening […]...
- Epitaph The first time I died, I walked my ways; I followed the file of limping days. I held me tall, with my head flung up, But I dared not look on the new moon’s cup. I dared not look on the sweet young rain, And between my ribs was a gleaming pain. The next time […]...
- Son He hurried away, young heart of joy, under our Devon sky! And I watched him go, my beautiful boy, and a weary woman was I. For my hair is grey, and his was gold; he’d the best of his life to live; And I’d loved him so, and I’m old, I’m old; and he’s all […]...
- I Made A Mistake I reached up into the top of the closet And took out a pair of blue panties And showed them to her and Asked “are these yours?” And she looked and said, “no, those belong to a dog.” She left after that and I haven’t seen Her since. she’s not at her place. I keep […]...
- Not with a Club, the Heart is broken Not with a Club, the Heart is broken Nor with a Stone A Whip so small you could not see it I’ve known To lash the Magic Creature Till it fell, Yet that Whip’s Name Too noble then to tell. Magnanimous as Bird By Boy descried Singing unto the Stone Of which it died Shame […]...
- Driver Smith ‘Twas Driver Smith of Battery A was anxious to see a fight; He thought of the Transvaal all the day, he thought of it all the night “Well, if the battery’s left behind, I’ll go to the war,” says he, “I’ll go a-driving and ambulance in the ranks of the A. M. C. “I’m fairly […]...
- A Dream I heard the dogs howl in the moonlight night; I went to the window to see the sight; All the Dead that ever I knew Going one by one and two by two. On they pass’d, and on they pass’d; Townsfellows all, from first to last; Born in the moonlight of the lane, Quench’d in […]...
- Never The Time And The Place Never the time and the place And the loved one all together! This path how soft to pace! This May what magic weather! Where is the loved one’s face? In a dream that loved one’s face meets mine, But the house is narrow, the place is bleak Where, outside, rain and wind combine With a […]...
- The Highwayman PART ONE The wind was a torrent of darkness among the gusty trees, The moon was a ghostly galleon tossed upon cloudy seas, The road was a ribbon of moonlight over the purple moor, And the highwayman came riding Riding riding The highwayman came riding, up to the old inndoor. He’d a French cocked-hat on […]...
- The Old Timer's Steeplechase The sheep were shorn and the wool went down At the time of our local racing; And I’d earned a spell I was burnt and brown So I rolled my swag for a trip to town And a look at the steeplechasing. Twas rough and ready an uncleared course As rough as the blacks had […]...
- Who is it seeks my Pillow Nights Who is it seeks my Pillow Nights With plain inspecting face “Did you” or “Did you not,” to ask ‘Tis “Conscience” Childhood’s Nurse With Martial Hand she strokes the Hair Upon my wincing Head “All” Rogues “shall have their part in” what The Phosphorous of God...
- The Frog and the Golden Ball She let her golden ball fall down the well And begged a cold frog to retrieve it; For which she kissed his ugly, gaping mouth – Indeed, he could scarce believe it. And seeing him transformed to his princely shape, Who had been by hags enchanted, She knew she could never love another man Nor […]...
- A Disqualified Jockey's Story You see, the thing was this way there was me, That rode Panopply, the Splendor mare, And Ikey Chambers on the Iron Dook, And Smith, the half-caste rider on Regret, And that long bloke from Wagga him that rode Veronikew, the Snowy River horse. Well, none of them had chances not a chance Among the […]...
- I showed her Heights she never saw I showed her Heights she never saw “Would’st Climb,” I said? She said “Not so” “With me ” I said With me? I showed her Secrets Morning’s Nest The Rope the Nights were put across And now “Would’st have me for a Guest?” She could not find her Yes And then, I brake my life […]...
- The Ragged Wood O hurry where by water among the trees The delicate-stepping stag and his lady sigh, When they have but looked upon their images – Would none had ever loved but you and I! Or have you heard that sliding silver-shoed Pale silver-proud queen-woman of the sky, When the sun looked out of his golden hood? […]...
- The Clasp She was four, he was one, it was raining, we had colds, We had been in the apartment two weeks straight, I grabbed her to keep her from shoving him over on his Face, again, and when I had her wrist In my grasp I compressed it, fiercely, for a couple Of seconds, to make […]...
- The Mylora Elopement By the winding Wollondilly where the weeping willows weep, And the shepherd, with his billy, half awake and half asleep, Folds his fleecy flocks that linger homewards in the setting sun Lived my hero, Jim the Ringer, “cocky” on Mylora Run. Jimmy loved the super’s daughter, Miss Amelia Jane McGrath. Long and earnestly he sought […]...
- The Gentle Traveller Through many a land your journey ran, And showed the best the world can boast: Now tell me, traveller, if you can, The place that pleased you most.” She laid her hands upon my breast, And murmured gently in my ear, “The place I loved and liked the best Was in your arms, my dear!”...
- Christmas treasures I count my treasures o’er with care. The little toy my darling knew, A little sock of faded hue, A little lock of golden hair. Long years ago this holy time, My little one my all to me Sat robed in white upon my knee And heard the merry Christmas chime. “Tell me, my little […]...
- Sydney Cup 1899 Of course they say if this Bobadil starts He’ll settle ’em all in a flash: For the pace he can go will be breaking their hearts, And he ends with the “Bobadil dash”. But there’s one in the race is a fance of mine Whenever the distance is far Crosslake! He’s inbred to the Yattendon […]...
- Its little Ether Hood Its little Ether Hood Doth sit upon its Head The millinery supple Of the sagacious God Till when it slip away A nothing at a time And Dandelion’s Drama Expires in a stem....
- The Donkey When forests walked and fishes flew And figs grew upon thorn, Some moment when the moon was blood, Then, surely, I was born. With monstrous head and sickening bray And ears like errant wings – The devil’s walking parody Of all four-footed things: The battered outlaw of the earth Of ancient crooked will; Scourge, beat, […]...
- The ordinary again (1) the ordinary You are not interested in me A receiver of food and a giver of shit My brain knuckled under I have rendered the skills of my Limbs to generations of caesars And caesar’s gods have siphoned off my spirit By day i have been trained to dismember my own brothers My own […]...
- The Runcorn Ferry On the banks of the Mersey, o’er on Cheshire side, Lies Runcorn that’s best known to fame By Transporter Bridge as takes folks over t’stream, Or else brings them back across same. In days afore Transporter Bridge were put up, A ferryboat lay in the slip, And old Ted the boatman would row folks across […]...
- Golden Silence I told her I loved her and begged but a word, One dear little word, that would be For me by all odds the most sweet ever heard, But never a word said she! I raged at her then, and I said she was cold; I swore she was nothing to me; I prayed her […]...
- The Reckoning It’s fine to have a blow-out in a fancy restaurant, With terrapin and canvas-back and all the wine you want; To enjoy the flowers and music, watch the pretty women pass, Smoke a choice cigar, and sip the wealthy water in your glass. It’s bully in a high-toned joint to eat and drink your fill, […]...
- How Did You Meet Your Wife? Swimming the English Channel, Struggling to make it to Calais, I swam into Laura halfway across. My body oiled for warmth, Black rubber cap on my head, Eyes hidden behind goggles, I was exhausted, ready to drown, When I saw her coming toward me, Bobbing up and down between waves, Effortlessly doing a breaststroke, Heading […]...
- Stafford's Cabin Once there was a cabin here, and once there was a man; And something happened here before my memory began. Time has made the two of them the fuel of one flame And all we have of them is now a legend and a name. All I have to say is what an old man […]...